Monday, March 19, 2012

Fear of failure? Really?

I've realised today that I have had a fear of failure!
Although I think it is a bit different... not exactly a fear, per se...
it's more like a sure knowledge of failure.
I have talked myself into believing I will fail!
I mean - 10 years of weight-loss failure? Yeah.
There's nothing more I can do!
I'm doomed to fail.
(proven by the last vlog I made!)
But guess what - it's BS! That cannot be true.
So, as of today, I will Just Faithfully Do It.
I'll give it my all.
And see what happens.
No talking myself out of it this time.
I will do this to the end -
meaning till the end of this year, and beyond.
Because between yesterday and today, I've changed my mind.
(YES! I CAN change my mind!)
Now I believe that  
I have just been lacking long-term consistency.
Until now, I can get to the point of 2-3 or sometimes 4 weeks of good effort,
with no results.
At which point I find myself deciding that it's all pointless
And I give up, or talk myself into frustration/depression.
Then it's so much harder to carry on.

But today, I carry on. Baby steps to begin.

Day 1 of my Accountability journaling.

Goal this week: 6 days of no binge eating, sticking below 1300 calories daily, and regular exercise.
What I mean by not binging - the toast with jam I had an hour ago (see below) was not a smart decision, I know - but it wasn't a binge. It was under control. If it was a binge, it would have been 2-3 slices, not 1. I just needed something to make this yucky sardine tummy go away! DON'T try sardines, btw.... ewwww!
Then on Sunday I will reward myself for not binging, with a moderate treat meal, that is after doing a SSS - perhaps we'll go out.
Then back to another 6 days of clean eating/exercise.

After the first two weeks, my goal will be increased to include no red food items at all.
I know that I need to be consistent in creating good habits, and sticking to them no matter what!

Monday Food journal: (baddies in red) (feelings in green)
12pm - Busy all morning, but not hungry until about 11am
      Mountain Bread Wrap - 70
      Sardines (YUCK! Never again) - 130
      2 HB eggs- 160
      1 tsp olives & salad - 20
      410 Calories
3pm - upset tummy from sardines - YUCK!
      toast & Jam - 130
      sip of cola (I know, I know) - 40 cal?
      170 Calories
6:15pm - later than wanted, but today has ended up late all around
     Mish's baked fish & chips - 300
     broccoli - 40
     tea - 30
     Mango yogurt - 200
     570 calories
Daily Total: 1150 Satisfied :)

Exercise: 20min dvd - less than planned. 
I hit the snooze button and had lovee time with dh instead of the planned walk - totally legit excuse if you ask me :) 


carla said...

thats why we are here.
to remind you that you WILL SUCCEED.


Annie, The Amazing Shrinking Girl said...

I love this way of being accountable.

And congrats on the non-binge. It's something I always have to work on too.